Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
