And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
