Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
