Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
