I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
