so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
