I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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