They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
