Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
