what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
