mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
