Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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