I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
