I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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