sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
