3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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