Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
