so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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