How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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