I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
