filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
