I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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