kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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