oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think i got beer on your cat.
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