I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
