As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
