Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
