I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
