Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
