I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
a search helicopter?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
