i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
