508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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