She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
third nipple confirmed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
