You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
should my penis look like a turkey
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
