so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
