I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
