I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
