opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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