He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
