i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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