my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
