I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
