I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
