Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She even gives head with a lisp.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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