So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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