watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
