that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
