i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
