You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
