Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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