Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
