Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
